The term 'Challenging Behaviour' is often used to illustrate the problems encountered when caring for, looking after or parenting a child who's behaviour is undesirable, non-compliant and sometimes aggressive. It should be used to emphasise the fact that the problem is a challenge to those who provide for the child and to the rest of society, not just a problem carried around by the individual. The challenge is ours to find effective ways of helping children to behave and express themselves in ways which are acceptable to those around them.
Why Not Punishment?
People, including children become 'hardened' to punishment. That isn't to say that punishments don't have a place and a purpose in society, including some of those used with children. Regardless of whether smacking children does or does not work as a short term, reactive strategy (though we don't have to condone it regardless). What it definitely doesn't do is address the problem or provide a long term solution; it is also likely to potentially lead to further problems with behaviour if misused and is very open to abuse. Punishments, more often than not, are simply used because the adult doesn't know what else to do, or sometimes even to just make themselves feel better (although this is often 'short-lived' before 'guilt' sets in).
The more the punishment is used, the less effective it becomes, as the person gradually builds up a tolerance to it. The next punishment therefore, will need to be more intense for it to have any effect.
Over time then, the behaviour gets more severe and frequent, because the person comes to realise that they have experienced this response before. They coped with it then and it was 'no big deal' (e.g. the deterrent is not as powerful as the motivation of or need for the behaviour). Therefore they assume it will be the same again, ('So what you gonna to do 'bout it then?').
As the person becomes older, stronger, bigger and more astute they are more likely to want to gain recompense by using the behaviour then to 'strike back', maybe including verbal & physical aggression.
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We've all seen the scenario at the supermarket checkout queue:
Child:
(Walking off)I want some sweets.
Mum:
(Already Loud)'Get over ere!'
Child:Ignores.
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Mum:
(Louder)'Get here now!'
Child:Ignores & smirks.
Mum:
(Attempting to be a bit calmer)'Get over ere now this is your, last chance!'
Child:
(Knowing what's coming)'I am looking at these' as edging further away.
Mum:
(Through gritted teeth)'Get here now before I crack ya one'
Child:
(Knowing he'll get crack either way)'I want these'
Mum:
(Losing it!)'You are having nothing, NOW GET OVER HERE'
Child:
(Shouting)'I want them!'
Mum:
(Yelling)'B****Y WELL GET HERE NOW!!'
Child:'**** off'
Mum:
(Forfeiting place in queue, advances'DON'T YOU DARE SHOW ME UP IN PUBLIC'
and WHACK!)
Child:
(Crying but winning!)'That hurt you silly cow'
Mum:
(Returning to queue with firm grip 'Just put the soddin' sweets in the basket & stay over here'
on child's arm)& you are havin nothin else!!)
Child:
(With slight smile through the tears)'Sorry mum'.
Mum:
(To onlooker)'Kids eh .I don't believe he's the way he is with me!'
This may be the only way that they have learned to achieve the function of whatever the behaviour was about in the first place and so to reach that goal they have to go through this cycle. (e.g. mum doesn't like me having sweets, can't afford sweets etc. & I know the only way on earth I am going to get the sweets is to go through this cycle). It follows then that the punishments become more severe and frequent and so on. Punishments therefore can lead potentially to abuse (e.g. as the smacking has to become harder to have the same desired effect).
What could mum have been done better with above incident? Probably nothing on this specific occasion, at least not without some 'cost'. The incident is the outcome of years of inadvertent training and conditioning, leading to their current relationship. With a different relationship, mum might have had more options. A stranger or someone less familiar with the same child, would probably not have had the same problem, at least not initially. As soon as the child realises that this person is starting to respond the same way as mum the behaviour will probably quickly accelerate and end up the same. This might offer some explanation of the 'honeymoon period' theory, that being whereas in a new setting or with a new person, the child behaviour is much improved for a temporary period of time.
The parent that shouts and yells for every little thing, is going to find themselves yelling more and more and louder and louder, probably through and beyond their child's adolescence. As they get louder they will wonder why their child's behaviour seems to be getting worse. In actual fact it is quite likely if they made a point of not shouting and reshaping the relationship, that when they did need to shout it would be more likely to impact on the behaviour of the child.
Aversive responses therefore only have a real beneficial purpose when they are 'out of the norm' and unexpected. As a final thought consider the following group punishment and the differing effects it might potentially have on the 'naughty' children and the 'good' children:
Whilst putting the whole class in a group detention might seem like an easy solution and make the teacher feel somewhat better at the end of a 'day from hell', it is possibly, in the longer term, going to inadvertently create even more days from hell. Putting a whole class group in detention will have a devastating effect on those pupils who probably didn't do anything wrong, because they are the ones that are probably normally well behaved and not used to being punished. The main culprits in that group should be the targets of the 'punishment' but probably are the least effected by the detention because they are already well accustomed to and tolerant of being punished! In the meantime, it just means that; the well-behaved children have begun their tolerance of 'punishment training' and may even now have some motivation and temptation to join the original culprits in getting some recompense. 'If you are going to do the time you may as well do the crime'.
What Can We Do?
A child's behaviour is more often than not a product of their family life, the society in which they live and the peer groups with whom they play or associate. Developing appropriate and acceptable behaviour begins with the development of quality relationships and good role modelling. At Behaviour Support we believe that before we can expect any child to change their behaviour we have all got to consider how we first change our behaviour.
Where there are difficulties behaviour change should always be based on a thorough assessment of the person's behaviour, evaluating what function it is serving for the person themselves (i.e. what they are getting out of it). Longer term aims then should not just look towards stopping the behaviour but rather taking reasonable steps to replace the inappropriate behaviour by teaching the child more acceptable ways of achieving the same outcomes. This also enables us to identify other causes of the challenging behaviour and influencing factors and take reasonable steps to remove or manage such factors accordingly.
Adequate routines, effective communication and a naturally rewarding lifestyle also play a fundamental role in reducing problem behaviours. This is particularly where the child might use their behaviour to compensate for difficulties in otherwise communicating, expressing themselves, making choices or entertaining themselves. Even in the most ideal of situations things will still go wrong from time to time and a child still needs to realise that there are boundaries in place and consequences to their actions. These should be agreed in advance
